A Crossroads Proposal
by SJCI
Summary: There are moments in life when we find ourselves at a crossroads; afraid, confused, searching without a map. The choices we make in those moments will define us. Of course, when faced with the unknown, most of us prefer to turn around, to run, to hide. But sometimes, we find ourselves with a breadth of courage, and venture forth bravely into the unknown.
1. Chapter 1: The Proposal

There are moments in life when we find ourselves at a crossroads; afraid, confused, searching without a map. The choices we make in those moments will define us. Of course, when faced with the unknown, most of us prefer to turn around, to run, to hide. But sometimes, we find ourselves with a breadth of courage, and venture forth bravely into the unknown.

* * *

"I'm sorry," two words spoken by Kate that held so much emotion, but Katherine Beckett was not one too show such heavy emotion. She prided herself on her control, on fighting through the tough moments, so with only a small shake of her head, she continued on, "I shouldn't have kept secrets."

And with a deep breath, taking a small moment, Rick Castle responded, "It's who you are. You don't let people in. I've had to scratch and claw for every inch."

But those words to Kate were like a scratch and claw to her very being. She wanted to say something, try and get him to understand.

"Castle – "

"Please let me finish."

Kate paused, wanting to respond, but willing to let Castle take the lead on this. As much as she wanted to say something, all she could do at the moment was purse her lips lightly to withhold what she wanted to say, and turn her eyes towards him.

"I've been doing a lot of thinking about us, about our relationship – what we have – where we're headed." And now it was Castle, who shakes his head slowly, gathering the courage to press forward,

"I've decided I want more"

And with those five words, Kate was knocked back. After waiting weeks to hear these words from him, after achingly coming to the thought that they may never come, Kate can only be stunned that out of all the times, all the moments they've had, that this is the time that it finally comes up. She doesn't know if she's relieved or saddened.

"We both deserve more"

Kate is still stunned somewhat by Castle's revelation; by the words and by the timing of it all, is it too late? But while stunned, these are still the words that she has been waiting to hear from him. So with a small nod, Kate presses on. "I agree"

She can say back only so little as she can feel that he has more he needs to say. And while she is listening to him, part of her mind is now elsewhere. Millions of thoughts running through her head at the same moment; the job, her home, her family, her future. It is only when she notices him moving that her full attention is redirected back to him

"So whatever happens, whatever you decide…Katherine Houghton Beckett, will you marry me?

And then her mind is playing catch up. She sees Castle with a look on his face that she has never seen before. She's seen him happy, sad, thoughtful, scared, and so many others, yet the look on his face is almost – guarded. Then she starts looking down as the words slowly float over her mind and she sees the ring in his hand and then it's at that moment when the gentle action turns into an onslaught onto her emotions, and she can only freeze. Mouth slightly opened as in disbelief, her eyes focused, yet everything else is jumbled.

As Kate's mind slowly thaws out, seemingly stuck in a moment frozen in time, the world around her continued on. And Castle took her silence as an answer to his question, and she has to react quickly as see finally notices him getting up and about to walk out of the park. The few feet that separates them now feels like miles and miles.

"Rick!"

But Castle doesn't turn around, just turns his head slightly, enough for Kate to see and hear him say "I understand, goodbye Kate."

A feeling like no other flair's in her chest after hearing him say that, and she's not about to let him get away just like that. Not after what was just said, after what just happened.

"Castle, come back here…please."

And it's the way she says please that catches Castle's attention. So determined to just walk away and let it all go, the depth, emotion, and pleading behind her last spoken word is enough to cut through to him, enough to break through his own newly erected wall and latch on. He slowly turns around to face Kate again, and he can't help but think back to a poem he once heard that is entirely apropos in this instance

_Once more into the fray. Into the last good fight I'll ever know. Live and die on this day. Live and die on this day._

For Castle truly believes that not only will this "talk" with Kate be the last good fight for him, he's also aware that a part of him will die on this day when she leaves. Yes he will live on; he has Mother and Alexis to think of, and also Esposito, Ryan, and Lanie. But Kate Beckett held his heart, and with her loss, a major part of him will die, never to return. But even with that knowledge, he cannot deny Kate.

But now it's Kate's turn to say her peace. So she sits back down on the swing and waits for Castle to rejoin her. She can see clearly on his face the hurt he is in and how each step back to the swing, back to her, is like twisting the knife in a stabbed heart. He tries to hide it, and he's gotten better at that in the five years they've gotten to know each other, but just as he has learned to see through her masks, Kate is able to see through to Castle, the real Castle. But she doesn't want to prolong his pain any longer and realizes that she needs to start talking.

"They offered me the job."

And she doesn't know why exactly those are the first words out of her mouth, and she can immediately see the reaction on Castle. She didn't think it was possible for him to look more – sullen – than he was mere seconds ago.

"Kate – I – I need to go." And he makes to move as if he's going to walk away again.

"Castle, - Rick – please just let me finish."

And Castle can only resign himself to his fate, into the fray, to live and die. And he at the least owes it to Kate to hear what she needs to say. He thinks some may think him crazy to stay and listen to the person you love explain why you weren't good enough, you weren't enough, and they may be right, but after everything they've been through, Kate deserves to say her final peace. So he stays, and waits, even though each second that passes by slowly and painfully drains the life from him.

"For a long time, this job was my life - It was all I knew. Ever since my mom died, I've been afraid to let anyone in. And even when I started to get close to the thought of letting someone in, I always ended up hurt. And then you came along and it was different than ever before. It wasn't perfect, but it was – us. We had the good moments and bad moments; the difference though was you wouldn't let me run away. And then when we finally got together, it was – amazing. I thought we were just getting started, that we had so much more ahead of us. But then time went by and I started to wonder what was going on with "_us_," where were we headed because we never talked about it. It was as much my fault as it was yours. We were sinning by silence again and it brought back all the old fears. For some reason, we have a trouble communicating. Whether it be because of fear, doubt, or some misguided attempt at not wanting to rock the boat, we hold back. Then it kept getting brushed aside and I began to wonder if what we had was real, or if we just fell in love with the dance. I had all these questions and doubts in my head and then out of nowhere, this job offer comes along. It's a wonderful opportunity, a chance to do more. And you're right, taking this job would mean there wouldn't be time for anyone else…"

And Kate had to pause, because she realizes that this moment, this was her crossroads. Her whole life has been spent running or hiding; running from a relationship, hiding in her work, afraid to put it all on the line. But she's determined to not make this decision based on fear, she wants to make this decision on what she _wants_, and what she wants….is this job. It'd be a new city, incredibly challenging, but important cases; it's every cops dream. And she's been one of the lucky few to be given this opportunity.

It's with that thought in her mind, that makes what she has to say next to Castle both incredibly hard, and yet also easy.

* * *

**_AN: Sorry for the cliffhanger! I just didn't want to throw it all into one chapter. I know I left it on a weird part, I just ask you to trust me when I tell you everything is planned out and not to jump to a sad conclusion. Have a little faith!_**

**_I tried to grasp the emotion and feel of Castle and Beckett, in both the "Watershed" scene and what could possible transpire in Season 6. I know we were left with a lot of questions and I'm hoping that by mapping through the possible emotions and thoughts between them, that we could gain a better understanding. Part of the confusion may be in the episode showing miss-order, like in "Still" how we see Beckett mention them just getting started and now it felt like they were close to a break up._**

**_So I hope I did it justice and feel free to leave me a review or a PM about how you think the scene felt, if you think I'm close or completely off base in their reactions and demeanor. _**

**_Thanks for reading!_**


	2. Chapter 2: The Response

_We loved with a love that was more than love._

**- Edgar Allan Poe**

* * *

Castle could only stare at the ground while listening to Kate talk. And each word that she said held both truth and pain. Rick never meant to give Kate these doubts, these questions, but after talking to his mother and listening to her now, he cannot help but realize that it is his fault that they are in this spot. He wants to believe it's because Kate went on that interview, he wants to believe it's because of Eric Vaughn or Agent Stack, but he knows they only became problems because of his hesitance. It took so many years to finally be in a relationship, to break through her walls, that he was afraid to move fast in fear of her being scared away. But it was that tepidness that ended up causing their problems

Now Rick can only sit and wait, listen to Kate Beckett as she tells him that she's taking the job, that she didn't want to hurt him; that she wants to do this for herself.

"Rick, I'm not going to lie to you anymore. This job…this job is something that I want."

Kate can see how those words have affected Rick, how he's almost resigned himself to them, knew they were coming. And Kate hates that.

But this is the moment where she has chosen which path to take, and as hard as it is, as hard as she may be giving up the chance of something good, she's having faith that she's chosen the right way. And she needs Castle to look at her while she says what she needs to, because it's the only way to fully communicate the depth of this decision. Words are not enough; they need to be able to look each other in the eye, so that all the unspoken words can be said at the same time as the spoken.

Kate reaches out to Castle's arm, to anchor him to her, and her to him. And when their eyes meet, Kate knows this is the time to say it all, spoken and unspoken.

"A year ago, after I was hanging off the roof, after I was suspended, this is the place where I came. I didn't know why exactly at first, but then I remembered that it was here that I told you I couldn't have the kind of relationship I wanted until my wall came down. And it was again here where I knew that I wanted to be with you. Rick – I need you. More than any job, more than anything else, I. Need. You. I don't want to put the job ahead of my heart anymore. Yes, the job offer is great and something that I thought I wanted now, but it doesn't even compare to you, to us. I was just afraid because I had no idea what you wanted from _us_."

Kate has to take a breath, she's said what she needed to and she can see the light returning to Castle's eyes, but she has one more thing that needs to be said.

"But Rick, this..." and her eyes drift down to the hand that is holding the ring,

"We have a lot more that we need to talk about first. I'm not saying "no," Castle, I'm just saying "Ask me later," I want that moment to be one of the happiest of our life, I want to give you that opportunity to make it both big and intimate, I want to give you the chance to ask my dad for permission to marry his daughter. I don't want this to be because our backs were against the wall. Rick, I love you. I meant it when I said I thought we were just getting started. When I told you I was trying to think about what our best kiss was, I was imagining our wedding day and every kiss after that."

The smile now on Kate's face is mirrored by that on Castle's. Smile's that even with no engagement; hold the promise of so much more.

"So Castle - my decision is you; my choice is here. We do both deserve more. And I want to make this, us, work; I want to make this last. It's not going to be easy, but when is it ever with us. So what do you say?"

Rick Castle could not imagine how a rejected proposal could give him such renewed hope, but then it really wasn't a rejection, was it. It was a pause, a delay, a one step back to take two giant leaps forward. So Castle couldn't help but to smile, and look at Kate with such a love as if seeing her for the first time all over again.

And for all the words he knows, all the books he has written, Kate Beckett has made him speechless. And rather than search his mind for some words that could never fully portray what he needs to in this moment, he does the only thing that could come close; he kisses her. Gentle, yet passionate; timid, yet fierce. Everything Rick Castle is feeling, he tries to say through his kiss.

For seconds, minutes, hours, even days could pass by and Kate Beckett and Rick Castle would be none the wiser as they are blissfully trapped in a moment that no other power than love holds. And as they both slowly pull back, it's Rick Castle who breaks the sweet silence,

"That was amazing. You're amazing."

And Beckett can't help but smile, and think back to the first time they kissed, and Castle said the same thing.

"Let's go, Castle."

* * *

_What's a soulmate?_

_It's a.. Well, it's like a best friend, but more. It's the one person in the world that knows you better than anyone else. It's someone who makes you a better person, well, actually they don't make you a better person... you do that yourself- because they inspire you. A soulmate is someone who you carry with you forever. It's the one person who knew you, and accepted you, and believed in you before anyone else did or when no one else would. And no matter what happens.. **you'll always love them**._

_- Dawson's creek_

_YouTube com/watch?v=PRBvs6YWi-s_

* * *

**_AN: Thanks for sticking with it! I know by the reviews and PMs I got that a lot of people where confused with Beckett's reaction and her response in Chapter 1, so I hope that this clears all that up. I didn't just want to blow by the offer; Beckett said to her dad that this job was something that she "wants." So I had to think how could I mesh what she wanted (the job) with what she realized she needed (Castle). Was it perfect, of course not, I'm sure there are definitely better writers who could pull this off, but I guess you guys are stuck with this and me haha._**

**_I tried as best as I could to keep Castle and Beckett in character, and describe the possible emotions they would be going through, so I hope I at least did that justice somewhat._**

**_I may do a 3rd part, which would be the 2nd Proposal, when both of them are ready for it to happen. It would definitely be less angst-y and more fluff haha._**

**_But thanks again to those who stuck with the story, or just happened across it. I know I'm not much of a writer, I enjoy immersing myself in other people's stories, those with much more talent than I have. But it does mean a lot to me to see those that take the time to read my story. And even sending me PMs or reviews that critique me. I love the reviews from people who enjoy the story, but I also equally love those from people who offer me their opinion or views on things that I may have done that seemed off or wrong. You can't get better if you don't know what you're doing wrong._**

**_So thanks everyone! We've got a long 4 months till Season 6 so hopefully we can fill that time with some great Castle fanfictions!_**


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